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terrible news [Sunday Nov 22, 09 | 10:33pm] Brandon volunteers with kids who have lost a family member and just need some peer counseling. Last year he was teamed up with this kid (15 yr old) Frank. Today, Frank got pulled into a wood chipper and now there is nothing left of him. Needless to say, I feel beyond sick to my stomach. RIP. Opinion

[Sunday Nov 22, 09 | 2:37am] I don't understand tumblr. I have spent the last 2 hours looking over and reviewing numerous peoples accounts and I just... don't get it. It seems to just be a random slew of pictures with no thoughts attached to them. Maybe I am too focused on the details of a story to actually sit back and enjoy their picture vomit. Then again, most of their photos are borrowed over and over and I saw the same images repeatedly in various journals. I bring this to you because it's humorous. See? An explanation. Opinion

[Monday Nov 16, 09 | 12:24pm] Countdown to Europe: 15 days. Excitement seeps from my pores. Opinion

[Thursday Oct 15, 09 | 5:34am] Find your own pose! Opinion

[Thursday Oct 15, 09 | 2:54am] Since when is showing frustration with inanimate objects a sign of fighting with something living? Why is it that when I casually throw in the word 'fuck', I'm in a bad mood? To me, this is just a word like any other word. I don't look further into than need be and I should be able to be upset with cookies without having eye rolls and exaggerated sighs. That's right, I was bickering with some mushy cookies and I guess I took it too far.. for some people. I've been looking at websites that carry clothes and furniture I would love to own but would have to sell myself to get. I'm scared I'm going to work my whole life and end up with some amazing sweaters and a room full of fancy chairs. Is that why people work? I mean, I understand you work to pay off bills.. but if you're a 'single' person with no one to account for.. why the hard labor? I have some serious loans to pay off but in the grand scheme of things, they are so insignificant. After those all I have is insurance and my phone bill. I hardly eat and I'm never the one driving so there are those two things I don't worry too much about. Ok, rent. There is that. BUT! I didn't buy a house I know I have to pay off and I know I'm not obligated to stay seeing as how there is no lease. I feel almost like working for a little while, save up, and then just GO. I want to see so many things. I've been watching this one syndicated show on television and the more I watch it, the more I feel like I am missing out. The idea of moving to New England has been tossing back and forth in my head for some time but I know if I was to go there it would most likely be Maine I would settle with. Settle is a bad word to choose. Either way, I feel it's the safest for now in many different aspects. Now, the smartest choice would be to move to Europe. Living and eating there would be free. I would just get some measly job and then go exploring on my days off. I was sifting through some lady's pictures the other day who happens to live in Switzerland and it's unbelievable how beautiful the average day is. I've been their twice and the whole time I felt as if I blinked I would miss something more amazing than what I saw for the last 100 kilometers (see what I did there? Already practicing). It would be such an experience. I don't know why I'm being so stupid about this whole thing. These things aren't what I wanted to write about but the rest just seems so trivial. Who cares who is top/bottom in a man/man love fest? Oh, also, those feelings are gone. Fin. Opinion

[Friday Oct 09, 09 | 1:48pm] For the past few nights I've been having dreams with a theme. I guess you could say the central focus is 'marriage'. The other dreams have been of cheap metal rings or hiding what should be a happy occasion but the last one was the most stressful one. I actually woke up feel the stress in my face and a pulled muscle in my neck. I wont go into the whole dream because it would be terribly long and drawn out. Basically nothing was going right in it and so when I googled what the different things in it meant all I got was negative responses. Most of the answers were that something terrible was going to happen and that my life was going to take a turn for the worst. Though, there was a central theme of hot pink and long hair. This represent sex and wanting to be sexy. My dreams are telling me that I need to make choices and that any choice I make is going to screw me over. Oh a good note. Today is Friday but hey, so is every day when you're unemployed. 1 | Opinion

[Sunday Sep 27, 09 | 3:14am] Everything I own that can die.. is. This means, the battery in my car is dead. My Ipod is dead. My computer isn't recognizing the battery so if the cord gets knocked out there goes everything I had yet to save (I'm always multitasking). My paper shredder also crapped out. The reverse button works but it gets jammed when I try to use it flipped over. Also, I can't keep anything in my hands. Anything I pick up ends up on the floor in mere seconds. It's beyond frustrating so I have spent most of my day in bed watching the incense burn from across the room. To make myself feel better, I put a busty picture up on facebook and friended a whooooole lot of Notre Dame football players. Here's hoping I get at least one. Brandon says I get a free card with a few of them. He'll be taking that back once he realizes how sneaky I am. Also! I did something beyond ingenious and creepy all rolled into one. I'm like a proud mom.. but to myself. I am my own family. I need to join the FBI or something. All this wasted talent. Oh, and I dyed my hair. I was tired of it slowly turning blonde orange. Opinion

[Friday Sep 25, 09 | 2:25pm] Oh my goodness Opinion

[Sunday Sep 13, 09 | 1:52am] What the hell am I doing? Opinion

[Friday Sep 11, 09 | 2:59am] Since Friday night/ Saturday morning I haven't been able to sleep until the sun starts to peek its cancerous face into the window above my head. I don't know what's wrong with my sleep schedule. Try as I might, I lay there in bed staring at the ceiling that I now know I hadn't painted a dark enough shade of grey. I spend my early mornings online getting myself into trouble, sort of. Nothing illegal, just pathetic in a sense. Since being 'laid-off' I have been thinking about what I can do with my free time (since it's clear that no one hires you if you have a degree). I looking into making a book. Nothing that anyone would read, just something for myself. It would be filled with pictures and funny little things from through out the day. Nothing serious. Nothing sad. Definitely nothing when I'm upset/pissed which is as of lately a good percent of my time. I think it will be a calming thing, if not therapeutic. I was taking a 'gander' at some online business websites and I have come to realize that I graduated at the wrong time. Had it been one year earlier, there might have been some hope for me. Someone, not naming names, graduated the year before me in with a degree no better than mine and she is a financial advisor for some money making company. Seriously!? Target wont even let me be their cashier and there are people running around with amazing paying jobs all because they got out of college before the economy went bust. I feel jipped. But hey, I hear TJ Maxx is hiring. Nope. Just checked, the job finding website I have been using keeps sending me available jobs ...that don't actually exist. I might have to throw in the towel on this one. I might have to move back in with my parents, again. I mean, it would be me living in Europe for the next 3 years for free. There are those pluses. The idea of being even farther away from the people I'm unbearably far away from as it is, kills me. Question of the day, "Do I really want to start over?" Sigh. Opinion

[Tuesday Aug 25, 09 | 3:48pm] The other day I was informed that there is a fellow I know of that thinks I am classless and rude. Normally, I wouldn't be bothered enough to let it eat away at me.. but the thing is, he is the worst. I have never been anything but nice to people and their parents (etc..) yet, for some reason, I am tagged as an asshole. He throws the word "fag" around loosely among other things and is habitually drunk. There is some class for you. Maybe it makes me childish and immature to even bring it up, but I will go tit for tat with anyone that wants to tell me MY business. He'll never read this, and I don't care. It needs to be said. The kid is a putz. In other news. Im living with two ladies a little older than me. I hardly ever see them. One is lawyer and the other one works for a company who has relations with NASA. Super professional. I hear I'm living in a prime real estate area.. meaning super nice houses in a super nice area. I just like that the ice cream place is down the street. Simple pleasures. I bought my plane ticket for New England (mostly Maine). I am beyond ready to go. 90% of me is excited for the breath of fresh air and the visit with my loves. The other 10% is feeling sick and in denial of what I will actually face when stepping off the plane in Boston. Oh my goodness the memories. I feel a wave of sadness hit me every time I think of it. I'm over the break up. I'm over what was.. but I'm also not anywhere near where 'that life' happened. I'm just going to force the bad feelings out and make new happy memories. Focus on the wedding and the reasons I'm there <3. Oh, as an early birthday present from the job .... I got 'let go' due to cut backs. I love my life. There was a man at the door selling magazines trying to keep himself out of jail and to feed his kids. I asked him if he knew how I could get into making money quick. ... He said I was beautiful. Hooking? Maybe. My 24th birthday is this Friday and I don't have friends to celebrate it with. I'm going to go ask that salesman if he's busy. I'll buy him a burger. 3 | Opinion

[Wednesday Aug 05, 09 | 3:28pm] I must see this Opinion

[Tuesday Jul 28, 09 | 1:20am] Ha, ooops. Awkward. This is the first time in all my sneaking that I just did something stupid. Haha.. can't wait to see the results. 1 | Opinion

[Monday Jul 27, 09 | 11:27pm] WHAT?!?!? holy crazy Opinion

[Saturday Jul 25, 09 | 2:28am] Cannot stop watching this video. I have a thing for Noel Fielding.. and all of Britannia Tonight was the opening of the gallery's latest exhibit "In the Line of Duty". It's a military theme installment which I surprisingly really enjoy. The pictures are super creepy and eerie in all the right ways. I made some huge sales and also a lot of connections. I feel a lot better about working there even with the small pay check. Thats what second jobs are for. Opinion

[Friday Jul 17, 09 | 8:20pm] My parents are leaving for Germany in the morning. They will be back in 3-5 years. I need local friends in a BAD way. The ones I called my best have sudden lost interest in me I guess and have no desire to speak to me. Neat. I'd move back up to Maine where it feels like I have some sort of "family" ...if it weren't for one little thing. How do you know what the right choice is? PS, anyone want to hang out? Opinion

[Monday Jul 13, 09 | 1:16pm] I would go soooooo gay for Lily Allen.. I'd be all over her Thought I'd share. Opinion

[Sunday Jul 12, 09 | 7:42pm] I guess everyone around me has everything they could want. They don't understand that I feel like I'm in a rut. I see it as sad and miserable the fact that I have a job to pay for an apartment to live in so I can survive to go to the job to pay for the apartment ..and so on and so on. They say "you have an apartment so you have a place to live". But what if I'm not happy? What if I see everything in shades of grey? I have nothing to live FOR. ..let alone SOMEONE to live for. Sure, I have bills to pay but I don't have a warm smile greeting me on the other side of the door. No, this isn't a cry for help. It's just frustration that I have no one locally to talk to that understands my disgruntled thoughts. This is why I have long distance love affairs with girls via the phone. They understand. <3<3 3 | Opinion

[Wednesday Jul 08, 09 | 2:49pm] I'm sitting at work right now and I just need to clear my mind. I had a little old Russian lady come into work today talking about "what has happened to America?!" and then she burst into tears. How am I supposed to handle that? I stood there and smiled and told her to have a wonderful day. Her swollen eyes will haunt my dreams. I just got off the phone with some lady from the Mid-West who refused to turn the volume up on her phone. She had lost an earring and wanted an extra. She refused to describe the piece to me but she sure did sit there and describe the "chubby BUT nice blond lady" that was there the day she happened to stroll in. I tried to ask her to take a picture of the earring and e-mail it to me, but she didn't understand anything I was saying. An excerpt: "Hello.. hello... hello.. hello" (this was after 4 min into the convo) "Ma'am I'm here." "Oh well Im going to have to change this" (a minute of silence)"HELLO!! Is anyone there?!!?" "I'm on the phone ma'am" "Oh, well I can't send this picture to you without your e-mail. You should e-mail me... wait let me grab a ...HOLD ON! .. Ok I have a pen ...HELLO?!" "Ok the e-mail is galleryshop@pfac-va.org" "what? valerie?" "g-a-l-" "I'm putting my husband on the phone" "Hello?" "Hello sir, can you hear me?" "So it's valerie shop?" "No GGGGGGGGGalleryshop" "I know" "The end of it is @pfac-va.org" "So its p-f-a-c dash A?" "VA as in Virginia" "Are you saying AE?? Wait, what was before PFAC??" ..after he said he got it and was handing the phone back to his wife, I hung up. I doubt I'll be getting any e-mails from them. I love the public. Besides work being dull, I just have so many things on my plate that I have to balance. I got a 'new to me' car. It's yellow and I listen to WHAM in it but yet, I'm still an angry driver. How odd. I went looking for apartments on Monday but everything is scary and ghetto or run down and outdated. Hmm choices. Newer place I'll get shot at or a quiet place that is filthy?? Also, how long do I plan on living there? 6 months? 1 year? Longer?? I feel that I have no say when it comes to my life and where I am/where I'm going is based solely on other peoples decisions. How sad. Also, my sick obsessions have gotten worse. I don't feel ok if I go a day without doing what I do. It really needs to stop but I'm just so damn curious all the time. Sometimes it seems to be getting boring and I can quit for a bit but then boredom gets the best of me and then I'm hooked. UGH .. I just have to stay busy. I have to get a second job. I'm trying to think of how much I may need to have each month to survive. I got 4919.50 back from the insurance but 3k of that goes to my mom for spotting me on my new car. How bad could waitressing be? I got invited on a trip to Egypt. I'd have to cough up 3000. I am totally down. I mean, really what else do I have to lose? I'm still angry with people and I'm trying to let it go. I see myself as peace loving and happy but i'm just having a hard time as of recent. Opinion

[Monday Jun 22, 09 | 5:45pm] I can not believe how utterly fucked I am. Opinion

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